Heartspeak

I dont know why....

A sense of loneliness grips you with a sudden yank...
That inexcruciating feel...a a sudden urge to break free from it
....a helplessness....a numbness....and a nameless fear....

I dont know what is it....

A sense of detachment.....
that compelling need...... an urge which draws you closer and closer to an anchor....
...a feeling to be there....never to come back

A life which you call your own....
A little corner which you feel is yours...

A Search ......An Unending Search!!!!!

Revelation of life

Void - a reality - and what follows is a revelation...

The 'rights' the 'wrongs' all becomes a word in oblivion and what unfolds becomes a justification in itself for the existential needs.
The interesting part being, life follows what we call a trajectory of 'domino effect' we discover life afresh in all its newness.

These are the afterthoughts......more to follow

undefined boundaries....

Sometimes i wonder at the complex human matrix. How structures...identities....notions.....ideologies.... all of these come to define an individual entity.
In as much as that.... no worries....but the problem arises when these overwhelm the existence and become a 'compulsive behaviour syndrome'.
It then assumes an artificial tenor and a detatchment very difficult to expalin but easy to understand and feel for for sure there is no dearth of these kinds.

To further elaborate....
I met someone recently...extremely nice...but here again bound by the compulsive structures of being.... so much so that there was no personal connect...bringing out the divide very clearly...
Which is to say that people behave the way they do owing to the positions they hold which takes over their entire persona and existence and of course without the human connect.

sitting by the window....

i am sitting by the window..... watching the rain....
a vague feeling it evokes... and i just get an urge to have a
cigarette break...
while i smoke i reflect on the times gone by and suddenly
mapping my life in minutes...
as if trying to come up with some quick fix formula...
and there i remind myself that life is not a crossword
which will always fix six up and seven down...
because life's not like that....

monday blues....

had to literally force myself to get off the bed....hmmm....
and get into the work groove......

in retrospect....weekend was absolutely fun packed... a mix of lonely venture and some fun with another lonesome ranger...:-)

life's like that u see
after some fun there has to be compensatory divide...

best